If It Doesn’t Make You Happy Then Why Are You Doing It?

I’m sure that you have often heard people complaining about their life and about all the things they have to do that they don’t like doing. Perhaps you have even been guilty of this yourself on occasions. Let’s have a look at how you can change those unwanted patterns for good.

Life is full of choices and possibilities. It is impossible to do everything and so we have to have some system for deciding what we do and what we don’t do. This seems like common sense but in reality most people don’t have any system for choosing.

If you don’t have a system for choosing what to do or what not to do then you will end up as the victim of someone else’s system. You have lost control of your life and you have lost control of your potential for happiness.

Notice that in any group of people, whether it is a family, a social group, a workplace, or some form of club or organization, you always find that a few people do most of the work and some people contribute nothing at all, and get away with it.

If you are one of the contributors you may feel that the others are being unfair or lazy. The reality is that you are allowing yourself to be a victim and you can choose to no longer do that.

Here is a 5 step process for regaining control over your quality of life and your own happiness.

Step 1: Establish a Basis for Choosing

If you are going to develop a system then you need to establish a basis on which to evaluate your choices. The basis you use will go a long way toward determining whether you make good choices or bad choices. For example if you choose on the basis of guilt or a sense of responsibility then you are choosing for reasons that don’t necessarily enhance your life and so your choices are unlikely to contribute to your sense of happiness.

A healthy basis for choice making is whether or not the option that you choose will enhance your life and make you happier. If it will then choose it and if it won’t then don’t choose it.

Step 2: Increase Your Options

Even though the world abounds with possibility most people end up making choices between a very limited set of options. Often this set does not include any options that you really want to do. The problem is not that you don’t have good options; the problem is that you are limiting the possible options and by doing that you are not including your good options.

Make a habit of looking outside the box. Make a habit of asking yourself what other possibilities exist. If you take the time to brainstorm options you will be surprised just how many possibilities there really are. Keep brainstorming until your options include a number of possibilities that you like.

Step 5: Make a conscious choice

Once you have established your basis for choosing and brainstormed for more possibilities it is time to actually make a decision and choose. This is where you have to draw on your strength of character and stick to your criteria for choosing.

Resist the temptation to say «yes» to something you don’t want to do just to keep the peace. You are not keeping the peace by doing that. You are severely damaging your own inner peace. When you want to say no then say no. It may take some practice but saying no is the way to get that practice.

Your responsibility is to yourself and your own happiness. That means that in the case of choosing what you do and what you don’t do, your responsibility is to consciously make your choice according to the criteria that you set in step 1.

Step 4: Evaluate the Outcome of Your Choice

No matter what you do in life you should always evaluate your outcome to see what you can learn about the system that you are using. In this case you are evaluating your outcomes to see if they are meeting the objective you set in step 1.

Step 5: Improve Your Choice Making System

If your choices aren’t producing the outcomes that you want then maybe you need to modify the way you are making those choices. Over time you will develop the criteria that work best for you.

A word of warning though. Never sacrifice your long term happiness for the promise of short term peace of mind. The price for that short term peace of mind may be that you fail to achieve true happiness and self fulfillment in your life.